“We Should Hang Soon” Is Killing Your Friendships

And what to say instead if you actually want to see your friends again

By Matt Ritter, The Friendship Guy

You know the tour:

“Let’s catch up soon!”
“Let’s find a time!”
“Let’s definitely make that happen!”

No dates. No details.
No chance in hell.

These aren’t plans.
They’re just emotionally supportive lies we tell each other at parties, in group chats, and while slowly backing away from a conversation we don’t have the time or social stamina for.

And look, I’ve done it too.
But if we’re being real?
“We should hang soon” is the most dangerous phrase in modern friendship.

It feels good in the moment.
It sounds like connection.
But it creates exactly zero momentum.

Here’s why “soon” isn’t your friend

1. It tricks your brain into thinking you did something

Saying “we should hang” gives you the warm illusion of connection — without actually doing the vulnerable thing: picking a date.

It’s like liking someone’s vacation pic and thinking you maintained the friendship.

2. It creates low-key social anxiety

Both sides walk away thinking:

• “Am I supposed to follow up?”

• “Do they even mean it?”

• “What if they’re just being polite?”

It’s emotional limbo. No one likes limbo. Not even in elementary school.

3. It puts all the pressure on “later” — and later never comes

Every time you push the hang to “sometime,” it gets heavier.

You wait too long, and now it feels weird. Now you need a whole explanation. Now it’s been six months and you’re not sure if you’re still in each other’s lives or just sharing memes and birthday texts.

So what should you say instead?

Try this move instead — simple, direct, and weirdly effective:

“I’m grabbing coffee Tuesday or Wednesday — want in?”
“Quick walk this weekend? I need air and a human face.”
“I’ve got dibs on one day this month. What’s actually open on your end?”

It works because it removes the mental math.

No vague back-and-forth.
No “Let me check with my kid’s school play and my PTO tracker.”

You’re making it easy. And that’s what real friendship looks like.

Want to sound casual without being noncommittal?

Here’s a magic phrase:

“Just a low key hang.”

That takes the pressure off.
You’re not asking them to book flights or hike Machu Picchu.
You’re just making time to connect.

Final thought: Lock it in, or let it drift

If you’ve got a friend you keep “meaning” to see?
Just send the text. Offer a day. Put it on the calendar.

Because “sometime” isn’t a plan.
It’s where friendships go to die.

📩 Want more moves like this?
Join the free 7-Day Friendship Challenge — one small action each day to rebuild and recharge your relationships.