How to Make Friends in a New City: A Step-by-Step Guide
By Matt Ritter, Co-Host of the Man of the Year Podcast
Estimated read time: 3 min
New City. Blank Slate. No Friends. Now What?
Moving to a new city can feel like hitting the reset button on your social life. No familiar faces. No go-to crew. No one to grab a last-minute dinner with on a random Tuesday.
It’s exciting—but it’s also lonely. And here’s the thing no one tells you:
Adult friendship isn’t about luck. It’s about strategy.
If you just moved (or are planning a move), here’s a step-by-step guide to making friends in a new city—and actually feeling connected again.
1. Say Yes—Even If You Feel Weird About It
You’re not going to feel 100% comfortable at first. That’s normal. Say yes anyway.
For the first 30 days, accept every invite:
Brunch? Yes.
Trivia night? Yes.
Weird hiking group with headlamps? Definitely yes.
You don’t need to find “your people” right away. You just need to start showing up. Friendship starts with reps, not perfect matches.
2. Join Recurring Communities (Not One-Off Events)
The key isn’t showing up once—it’s being seen repeatedly.
Look for:
Weekly running groups
Coworking spaces
Volunteering opportunities
Rec sports teams
Meetup groups with consistent cadence
Consistency → familiarity → friendship. That’s the formula.
3. Use Social Media (But Make It Intentional)
Don’t just scroll—connect.
Post that you’ve moved
DM friends of friends in the new city (“So and so” said I should hit you up!)
Use apps like Bumble BFF, Meetup, or even local Subreddits
You’re not being desperate. You’re being proactive. Most people are just waiting for an excuse to meet someone cool. Be that excuse.
4. Pick 3 People and Go Deep
Once you start meeting folks, don’t try to be everywhere. Focus on depth over quantity.
Pick 2–3 people you click with and:
Text them
Invite them to something
Suggest a one-on-one hangout
Adult friendship thrives on intention, not convenience. Be the one who makes the second move.
When I moved to L.A., I realized I didn't need a new crew at first. I needed one or two people I could text without overthinking it.
Real friendship isn't about numbers. It's about knowing who to text when you're spiraling at 8:32 p.m. on a Wednesday.
5. If You Can’t Find a Crew—Build One
Can’t find the thing you’re looking for? Create it.
Host Sunday dinners
Start a monthly movie night (this absolutely worked for me)
Create a group chat for regulars at your local coffee shop
When you create community, people come to you. And when you’re the organizer, you stop waiting for invites…you start making them.
Final Thought
You’re not behind. You’re not weird. You’re just trying to do something that’s actually hard—and incredibly human.
Making friends in a new city is possible. And once it clicks? It’s the best kind of adventure.
Want to make better connections—wherever you live?
Start the 7-Day Friendship Challenge — a free guide with small, practical steps to help you build real friendships, from scratch.
